Monday, November 21, 2011
he & she become we
When talking about newlyweds, it's not uncommon to hear the phrase "the first year is always the hardest". While i believe this is true to some extent, i can't say the statement is truth for every couple. For some, the first year may be the hardest. For others, it may be the third, the tenth, or the fiftieth. In reality, a marriage won't be hard only for a short period of time, and then suddenly become fairy dust and sprinkles for the rest of the years to come. Marriage just doesn't work like that... life doesn't work like that.
My marriage with travis is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It is the greatest source of joy I've ever known in my life thus far. But, i'd be a liar if I said it wasn't also sometimes my biggest struggle or test of patience.
Ultimately, i believe a marriage is about becoming one. A He and She becoming a loving and powerful We.
For me anyway, that was what made our first year of marriage "the hardest". I wasn't used to being a "we" at all, I wanted to be selfless and make compromises but I just didn't know how--I'd never had to do it before. I remember when I was single and enrolled in a marriage prep class with a bunch of other single people. The answer to everything seemed to be "communication". If a husband and wife have good communication, then they won't have arguments! What a novel idea! Spouses need to make sure they communicate. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Now, maybe the other singles in my class understood good communication in a marriage. Unfortunately for me, I was completely oblivious to what went in to good communication. I had no idea the emotions involved, the stupid pride getting in the way.
Travis & I are an imperfect couple. We forget to do the dishes, we eat out too much and we get in fights now and again.
When we fight, I feel terrible. I used to feel like a terrible wife. Now however, I realize that we fight because we disagree. Not because i'm right or he's right. I've learned that a bad day doesn't mean a bad life.
Lately, when we fight, two hours later it's like it never happened. The lovey dovey, kiss and huggy laughs and fun return much more swiftly than it did a year ago. We've learned to forgive.
We've learned to forgive and we've learned much better what communication really is.
My marriage with Travis has taught me so much about myself and about my relationship with Heavenly Father. I am continually learning new things from that man of mine and I am so grateful to be his wife. I've learned so much through my marriage with Travis, and I know I still have so much to experience. Slowly, but surely, we will become a more perfect and eternal We.
*these thoughts are my own, and reflect only the personal opinions of a young (and sometimes, naive) married girl.*